Domestic violence in urban Bangladesh

Domestic violence in urban Bangladesh

Faizul Khan Tanim investigates how this social disease is spreading in our society

Violence against women, has accelerated to such heights in the urban areas of the country that these incidents have ceased to shock us. Moreover, the country had to witness one of the crudest forms of domestic violence recently to realise how gruesome and grotesque these incidents can be.

Rumana Manzur, a University of British Columbia Canada graduate student and Dhaka University assistant professor of International Relations, while on leave to visit her family and friends, was reported to have been mercilessly assaulted by her husband Syed Hassan Shumon. In the scuffle that followed she lost an eye and flesh from her face on June 5. The husband is now in custody.

Residents from all over the capital are puzzled by the fact that urban women, who are educated and financially independent, are subjected to domestic violence.

A childhood friend of Rumana Manzur, requesting anonymity said, “A couple of our friends were dead against this marriage in 2001 but we did not speak out against it because we wanted her to be happy. We grew apart after her marriage and lost touch. We had no idea how disturbing her life was until we heard about this incident”.

She broke down in tears while uttering the next few words, “She was undoubtedly the sweetest and the hardest working person in our group. She was a meritorious student and a Fullbright Scholar. We want justice.”

According to an Amnesty International Bangladesh Annual Report 2011 published on May 13, violence against women topped all crimes reported to the police in the first six months of the year. Of the 7,285 complaints made, 1,586 were rape cases. The Parliament passed the Domestic Violence (Prevention and Protection) Bill in October last year.

The causes of domestic violence have been identified as sexual inequality, poverty, women’s lack of knowledge about their right to justice and very importantly corruption within our judicial system. It is said that many cases of domestic violence go unreported and a majority of them are not even brought to court. Unfortunately, we tend to treat domestic violence in our society as a regular and acceptable part of everyday life.

This correspondent spoke to a couple of specialists from the field of psychiatry and psychotherapy from both home and abroad on the topic of domestic violence and how it is triggered.

Mohammad Samir Hossain, is a faculty of psychiatry (MBBS, PhD), Medical College for Women and Hospital Uttara, faculty of Palliative Care of Bangladesh Sheikh Mujib medical University (BSMMU), and an external faculty of psychotherapy, Bircham International University, Spain.

Regarding the issue of what goes inside the mind of men before committing violence against women he said, “It primarily starts with frustration inside a man in relation to that female. People who are disorganised in their actions and emotions and who have a confused philosophy whether to tolerate or torture, resort to violence. Very importantly, one factor that makes a man a torturer is the projection of his teachers', parents’ or other guardians’ “ill attitude”.

“One very common thing can also encourage a male to act irrationally and violently and that is - the family and social teaching that male are dominant and powerful. In this case men fail to understand that their capacity is needed to fulfil their responsibility, not for acting irresponsibly and violently. Quite often, men think of their mothers as the most important service provider, but not the most valuable or honourable person from the core of their hearts. It is good that we love our mothers very deeply, but there must be a special slot for respect for them too. As the mother represents the rest of the women for men, our attitude for women remains devoid of respect no matter how much we love them”, Hossain added.

Hossain mentioned other aggravating factors such as response to sexual stimulation like watching obscene films and music videos such as 'munni badnam huyee' and ‘sheela ki jawani’ on television, one obviously will look for satisfaction from the practical surroundings. Men who are not strong enough to dictate their chemicals inside the brain and body, act bizarre in these situations.

Hossain continued - Practically, in our current life style there is no such figure that can stop our ill behaviour and acts. Not parents, not teachers, not police, not even the government can do anything about it. This lack of true guardianship on one's mind can encourage wrongdoings according to ones own will. Specific psychopathology like psychosis, morbid jealousy, depression can also cause violent acts.

Yasmin F Khan, MD, staff psychiatrist at Kaiser Permanente, California, USA said, “Not only in the US but throughout the world, power and control are the main issues that drive the abuser to commit the crime. A lot of the abusers are drug and alcohol addicts and grow up watching violence in the family. This also is another big reason. Many people have low frustration tolerance, and they just act violently without thinking about the consequences. Many of these violators have been diagnosed with antisocial personality disorders and one of their characteristic pathology is that they do not have remorse. They can be extremely charming in certain situations, which is one of the reasons why the victims continue to stay in the relationship despite the abuse.”

“Other reasons why the victims stay in the relationships for years are financial dependence, having children and not knowing how to support the children alone. Societal stigma is one of the big reasons. Not leaving the abuser fearing that he may inflict more abuse is another responsible factor. Even victims, who are highly educated, with financial solvency, continue staying in the relationship, with the hope that things will change for the better. This happens especially because the abuser after inflicting the violence promises that this is not going to happen again and the victim believe this against their better judgement. After every incident of abuse, the victim convinces herself that this will never happen again, but this most often is not the case.”

In Bangladesh, there are quite a few organisations giving emotional and legal aid to these distressed women. One such organisation is Ain o Salish Kendra. We talked to the deputy director Nina Goswami of the organisation. She said, “We are a very pro-poor organisation, however, when a woman is in distress it does not matter if she is less privileged or from an affluent family, we give free service and support. This includes mental support and counselling, legal aid and shelter for women who suffered from domestic violence. We also focus on educating and counselling to women to become stronger and take the necessary steps when faced with atrocities.”

Although there are laws to provide help and shelter for women under attack, a lot of women, subject to violence, alleged that there is not much effort to ensure that women get access to these services. Much needs to be done to overcome the barriers which prevent women from getting these services. One way forward, for example, would be the use of community education to remove social prejudice and ensure that domestic violence isn’t accepted by our society.

Demanding, giving and accepting dowry is illegal in Bangladesh. The practice, however, still prevails in many sections of the society. Saira Rahman of the NGO Odhikar said, “A major reason is the rising unemployment among young males, especially in rural Bangladesh. Often, the bride's parents cannot contribute the whole amount of dowry at once. They pay some of it at the wedding ceremony. Later on, the demand for the rest of the dowry becomes intense. Delayed payment causes the use of violence against the young wife. The issue of dowry is probably the most common source of domestic violence in rural Bangladesh, where the husband along with his parents and relatives remind the wife that the remaining payment is still due. Incidents of murder or attempted murder for dowry- related reasons are regular items in the country's media.”

This correspondent spoke to a woman who instead of suffering, stood up for herself and made the fairest choice according to her. Reshmi Akhtar (not her real name) from Baridhara said “I was suffering from constant verbal abuse from my husband after my marriage in 2008 because I was reminding him of the financial and mental support he was supposed to deliver. Day by day, the mental suffering turned to physical torture. I received no support from my in-laws and after being physically abused for the third time, I revolted. I disclosed this aspect of his personality to friends, family and the society and filed for divorce. I think God has given me a better life now. I am contributing to the society successfully instead of being a victim.”

*This article was first published in The Independent Weekend Magazine June 24 2011